Living With Faust!
by Butterfly-Razor
Summary: This is not a fanfiction, but you can pretend it is. It's about Teepo, Emerld, and Faust, who won't leave us alone! He eats everything, not just food, he lights things on fire, including us, and he defies the laws of physics daily... help us...
1. Day 1 Into

Day 1

The most fucked up story your ever going to hear is about to be told. You can stay and read more if you want...but it's going to get really stupid and crazy later on...fine. I warned you.

Well, It started on a day like all others...Me(Emerld), And Teepo, were arguing about something, something that had to do with a mime, or what not... It was about mid-day... We were bored as fuck so we just sat talking, that's when we heard a tapping, a rap-tap-tapping on our fucking front door...and It just pissed me off. So we ignored it... "So... I said that a mime is still talking even if he's texting somebody." I told Teepo. "That's bullshit, mimes aren't talking when they text Emerld." stated Teepo. Just at that moment the front door burst open off its hinges. "What the fuck was that!" cursed Teepo. "Oh god, I hope its not who we think it is..." said I. "OKOKOKAY!!!!!!"...It was Faust. That motherfucker... he broke our door. And that's how Faust just entered our lives as a fucking freeloader, and pissed us off even more by becoming our new roommate.


	2. Day 2 The horror begins

Day 2 - The horror begins...

The next day we didn't see much of Faust, actually we didn't even know where he was. It wasn't until about 3:00 P.M. until Emerld stumbled into Faust's room. Emerld opened his door to find not a bedroom, but in fact a bathroom. "Teepo! Get in here, you have to see this guy's room! " Said Emerld. I, having nothing better to do, went to see his room. I opened the door to find nothing wrong. "What? It's just an ordinary bedroom. "I said to Emerld." I swear! The bathroom, and this room, they changed places! "Emerld explained."

You're a fucking idiot. "I said as I walked back to the couch. Later that day Emerld heard mooing outside Faust's door. He opened the door this time to find not a bedroom, but in fact an _entire farm._ "Teepo! Get in here, quick! "He yelled once again. I, again having nothing to do, went to see what was wrong. I opened the door to again, find an ordinary bedroom. "This has got to stop Emerld!" I explained to him. "But, a farm, it just..." This time I didn't even dignify him with a response.

Even later that day, Emerld walked by his room once again. Out of sheer curiosity he opens the door once more. This time he finds, nothing, no room, no farm, nothing but a wall. "Well that was a rip off!" Emerld then turns around to find he is standing in the middle of a highway." Oh fuck..." He says. Around midnight that night he finally made it home. "Hey Emerld, go check on Faust would you?" I asked him. "I'm not ever going in that room, EVER AGAIN!" said Emerld as he walked halfway down the hall before collapsing.


	3. Day 14 Faust is attached to the TV

Day 14 - Faust Is attached to the TV.

After about two weeks that went by, we have been hearing noises outside in the living room while we were trying to sleep. It was about 3:00 A.M. when we decided to check it out, as we went by Faust's room though it appeared that he wasn't there, so we figured it was him downstairs watching the TV. "Hey Faust, Go to bed." stated Teepo still half asleep. "...", was the only reply we got." Man, what's wrong with this guy?" I said. "Hey Teepo, go poke him to see if he's still alive." "ok." said Teepo. The funniest thing happened, as soon as Teepo touched him Faust hit the ground and came back up like one of those punching clowns and smacked Teepo upside the head. "OUCH!" Teepo exclaimed stuttering backwards. "BWHAHAHAHA!!!" I exclaimed laughing my ass off. Maybe if we turned of the TV it would make him alive again we though... we were wrong, because he just got worse. "Hey Teepo, turn off the TV to see if he wakes up?" I said just now stopping my laughter. "Ok", and so, as soon as he turned off the TV, Faust WENT COMPLETLY INSANE! "BLARGHOFLAGEROTIMEINHOPMONKEY!!!!" yelled Faust until he back handed Teepo upside the head. After that we turned the TV back on and he stopped. But the night just got weirder and weirder.

Soon after, I tapped Faust on the shoulder to see if he'd do anything...His head just fell off... and burst into flames! Since he had no head anymore I just decide to turn the TV off .Then he started to inflate a new fucking head out of the hole in his neck... and then it popped... and it kept repeating itself over and over again until Teepo turned the TV back on. Later we tried to turn the volume down because it was loud for some fucked up reason, and then Faust burst into Flames! "What the Fuck?!" stated Teepo. "Quick, turn the volume back up!" So then I did... and Faust became a solid block of ice...

After he thawed out, I wondered what would happen if we changed the TV coloring... I turned the color to more green, and Faust turned blue. Next I switched it to red, and Faust turned purple." aww damn it Emerld, now he looks like a pimp!" stated Teepo. "Ok" I said as I changed the colors back... so then he turned pokadot..." good enough." said Teepo with a shrug. "Let's go to bed."


	4. Day 15 Faust torments Emerld

Day 15 - Faust torments Emerld.

Then the day came were Faust decided to traumatize Emerld. I was in downstairs at the time, again minding my own business, when I notice Emerld sneaking up the stairs Solid Snake style. I said, "Emerld, what the fuck do you think your doing!?" "I know there is something horribly wrong with that guy's room!" He replied. "No, I mean what the fuck you are doing sneaking around Solid Snake style!? I sneak around Solid Snake style, you sneak around Sam Fisher style, get it right! "I yelled at him.

About an hour later I notice he's still not back. "Where the hell is he!?" I said as I walked toward the staircase. Then, the explosion happened! "What the fuck!?" I said confused. At that time Emerld walked down the stairs, his clothes were ripped to shreds, but I was more interested in the fact that he now had an afro. "Don't fucking ask..." He said as he walked toward the couch, but that wasn't the end of his torment, not at all. Later that day Emerld was just minding his own business, "I'm going to get a soda." He announced as he walked to the fridge. Seconds later Faust burst out of nowhere and latched onto Emerld's face! "AHHH!!!" Screamed Emerld, "Get it off me!" he continued. He ran around the room for a few minutes until slamming into the wall hard enough to knock Faust off, and himself out. Hours passed.

"And this is where I left him." Faust explained, as Emerld still lie unconscious. "And he's been like this for how long exactly?" I asked."A few hours at the least" Faust answered as he put Emerld into a body bag. "Don't you think it's a little early for that? "I asked? "He isn't going to get much deader." He answered once again. "You don't know if he's even dead yet! " I explained. "But what am I going to put in the hole?" Faust asked. "What hole!?" I asked shocked. "The hole I dug in the back yard, it's about 10 x 20 feet." He replied. "But the yard isn't even that big!" I yelled at him. "No, it's bigger! At least now it is..." He explained. I sighed, "You know what, just slap him a few times, I'm sure he'll wake up, then tell him what you did you the yard, I'm going to bed, FOREVER!"


	5. Day 145 Faust and the fly

Day 145... Faust and the Fly.

It was sometime around noon when we had just got done doing some repairs to the house since Faust had broken a couple of things. Me and Teepo had just made lunch when Faust came in through the door, "Hey, what's you doing?" was his stupid remark. "Were making lunch you blockhead, what did you think we were doing??" stated Teepo. Since Faust forgot to close the door, he accidentally let a fly into the house. "You hear that buzzing noise... damn it Faust, you let a fly in!" I said. "COOOWWWW CRRRAAAASSSSSHHHHHH!!!!!!!" screamed Faust as he swung for the fly, not only missing the fly, but instead he ended up breaking the counter that Teepo and I were making our food on..."FAUST! WHAT THE HELL MAN!!! YOU JUST BROKE THE COUNTER INTO FIVE THOUSAND PEICES!" yelled both Teepo and me. "But the FLY MUST DIE!!" exclaimed Faust.

Soon after that he ran off somewhere into the house to find the fly to smash it. "I just hope he doesn't brea---- "BOOOOOMMMM!!!!!... "Never mind... he'll probably break more stuff." I said. Soon after about ten hours of explosions, booms, and other noises it got very quiet all of a sudden... "oh god... he's planning something!" stated Teepo, but right after he'd just finished his sentence, Faust burst through the wall yelling cow crash trying to hit that same fly.

Soon after, the whole house caved in on itself because apparently, Faust broke every support beam that held the house up... "Faust..." "Yes?" asked Faust still swatting at the fly. "I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!!!" screamed both me and Teepo one after the other. "Why?" asked Faust as dumbly as he could. "BECAUSE YOU FREAKING DESTROYED THE HOUSE! NOW WHERE ARE WE GOING TO LIVE?!" yelled Teepo at the top of his lungs, obviously pissed off at Faust. "Pfftt" remarked Faust. "Watch this." He said. And with that statement the house returned back to its original state and was whole once again."Why didn't you do that the first time you broke the house apart?" I said, "Because I wanted to traumatize you two first." said Faust... "I'm going to kill that basted..." I thought to myself.


	6. Day 16 Poker Night

Day 16 - Poker Night.

Today was possibly the worst day yet, Faust decided to have his "friends" over for a game of cards. Not a problem, only these were no ordinary friends, these were _Faust's friends_, each one crazier then the last... The first, a crazed diseased freak with a mind disorder, his name, Zappa. The next wore a big green mask and was known as... the mask. The third was living proof that the internet could destroy your mind, his name, Freakazoid. And the last one made his living by eating children, both mentally and physically. His name, Pennywise the clown.

The night started out ok, it actually was pretty sane for a while. Well, 15 second into the game, all hell broke loose. "Ha! You loose Pennywise!" Yelled Faust. "Aw fuck! This game is crap anyway!" Pennywise replied. "Well maybe if you had some actual cards you'd do better!" explained Freakazoid. "Hey, shut up!" Pennywise said as he was revealed to not be holding any cards, but instead a turkey sandwich. "Hey, Freakazoid, I bet I can run to the city limits before you do!" challenged Mask. "You're on!" replied Freakazoid. It was at that time the two ran out of the house, Freakazoid ran out like a freaking lightning bolt as mask turned into a twister, destroying everything in there paths.

"Pennywise, put your damn pants back on!" demanded Faust. "What? I thought this was strip poker!" replied Pennywise. "No! And your not even playing, your just eating a damn sandwich!" said Zappa. "Pfft, you call this a sandwich? I've eaten children that have tasted better then this!" "Anyone have any three's?" asked Faust. "I got a three of clubs." said Pennywise. "No, you have a triple-decker club sandwich!" explained Zappa. "Same thing!" replied Pennywise. "No, it isn't, now give me some of that sandwich!" said Faust. "You want it? Come and get it!" challenged Pennywise. "I did." said Faust with the sandwich in his hands. "My sandwich!" shrieked Pennywise. "If anyone is eating that sandwich it's me!" said Zappa."

The three of them then jumped in a pile and started kicking the crap out of each other. This was about the same time Emerld walked into the room. "Hey, free sandwich." said Emerld as he grabbed the sandwich. That night Emerld was sent to three different hospitals, at the same time. The stupid people won't get what I just wrote.


	7. Day 32 Faust goes to seaworld

Day 32 - Faust goes to Sea World.

Well, this is Emerld signing into this journal again... some more crazy shit happened again today. First off, Faust went to Sea World saying something about the movie free Willy. "I'm going to rescue the fishes that live at this evil place called Sea World!" Stated Faust as he trudged out of the door forgetting that it was the dead of winter. "Have fun." said Teepo behind him closing the door on him. "Well, at least that will get rid of him for a little while." I said.

Half an hour later Faust came back saying that his mission had been accomplished. "What mission are you talking about?" stated Teepo rising from his spot on the couch. "My mission to free the captive animals being held against their will at the Sea World place!" stated Faust with his hand in the air. "Um, Faust, the animals at sea world were being held in protective care...for the attractions at the place." said Teepo. "But I am responsible for freeing the Navy Seals!" Said Faust proudly. "The navy seals are a part of the US government, they aren't animals Faust." I explained. "Aw, but what am I going to do with all these seals?" ask Faust as he pointed to the door. "What seals?" Ask Teepo in confusion. At that point Faust realized that **all **of the fish were gone! "Oh yeah, I hid them. In a secret place, that's a secret!" Said Faust as he remembered. "Exactly how many fish did you bring back here and hide?" Teepo asked concerned. "Exactly one thousand." Said Faust once again gloating. "Whatever, I'm going to go lie down." Teepo said as he walked toward his room.

About 30 seconds later Teepo stamped down the hall in a pissy mood. "Ok, I'm going to be nice about this, WHY THE FUCK DID YOU HIDE THE FISH **IN MY ROOM!?** IN MY BED!?" "Asked Teepo in a very annoyed tone." Actually, I only hid the Navy Seals there." said Faust. "Those aren't the Navy Seals god damn it!" I yelled from the other room. "Ok, there will not be any answer I will like to hear, but what did you do with the other nine hundred and fifty fish!?" Teepo asked without hesitation. "Who wants fish sticks!?" asked Faust holding a plate of fish sticks. At that time Teepo also noticed the entire kitchen over flowing with fish sticks. "Why am I not surprised?" I asked as Teepo was tying a noose around his neck in the corner of the room. "Oh well, see you in the morning Teepo." I said as I went to bed.


	8. Day 31 Faust and the art museum

Day 31 - Faust and the art museum.

Ok, today Faust was talking all day about how he was going to the art museum, and that he wanted me to come. I really didn't want to, who would I ask you? "Come on Teepo! It'll be fun, Pennywise is coming and so is Zappa!" Said Faust once again bugging me. "Aw, why can't Emerld go?" I asked. Emerld just had to pick that particular time to fall down the stairs and into the glass cabinet, which then fell on top of him. "Dang." I said. "Well I guess it won't kill me, I don't have anything else to do." I told Faust as I completely ignored Emerld's injury. That was the single biggest mistake of my life.

Five seconds after arrival Faust, Pennywise, and Zappa were nowhere to be found, five fucking seconds! I decided it was best not to look for them, less I'd be held responsible. Of course about an hour later, I just had to run into Faust, who had already painted himself bronze, and was posing in the middle of the museum, COMPLETLY NUDE! Except for the bag, and a leaf. I couldn't even make my way to him due to the crowed of people around him. I hate people. I am normal. I did however over hear some comments of people who were looking at him thinking he was a statue. "This is a remarkable sculpture" Said a man in a tie. "I wonder why he wears a bag over his head?" Said an old man. "Perhaps it's to cover his hideous ugliness?" Said a women in her mid twenties. At that time Faust turned his head to the woman and said: "You're the one who's hideously ugly!!!"

After that the audience freaked, all of them running around in all different directions, stumbling over each other. "Oh great, I come with you to the museum, and you give a group of people a heart attack, come on we're leaving, and get some damn pants on!" I said furiously. "Wait a second where are the other two?" I asked. "Pennywise went off to the ancient Egypt section I know that." Faust said as he redressed.

A few minute later I found Pennywise walking around the Egypt section reading a newspaper. "Pennywise, time to go, come on!" I yelled to him. I really shouldn't have done that, because right then and there he turned to look at me and walked straight into one of those torture chambers full of spikes. "Huh...Do'h...FUCK!" he said as the chamber slammed shut and fell over on the ground. "Holy shit, are you ok?" I asked as I ran over to him. "Zzz..." Was all I heard. "Eh, he'll get a ride, let's go find Zappa."

About that time I spotted Zappa around the corner, only he was bent over backwards on all fours. "OOOHHH!!!" He moaned as he looked through the glass at an exhibit. "Zappa, get in the car, we're leaving" I yelled to him. He FREAKED! He went into some kind of seizure and started spazzing out all over the place, breaking many, many artifacts. "Damn it! I knew it was a bad idea for me to come!" I said as I ducked under the table.

That night I made it home in one piece and walk passed Emerld who was still under the glass case. "How'd it go?" He said to me in a muffled voice. "Not to bad, I owe the museum $400,000. Nothing unusual." I said. "Oh, hey you wouldn't mind uhh maybe call a hospital or something would you?" "Meh, I'll do it tomorrow I said as I walked to my room and soon fell asleep.


	9. Day 25 Faust kills Teepo

Day 25 - Faust kills Teepo.

The day came when Faust had actually gone far enough to kill someone, and it was Teepo. "Well Faust, where's Teepo at?" I asked in a normal tone. "I don't know who that is... AND I DIDN'T KILL HIM EVEN IF I DID KNOW HIM!!!" exclaimed Faust. "What the hells gotten into you Faust?" I asked baffled by his sudden outburst. "Oh well, if you see Teepo, tell him we have to pay the bills later, ok?" I said to Faust. "Ok." Faust replied.

It had been about an hour since I had last seen Teepo wandering around the house like the lump he is, but I had been getting a little worried since he hadn't yelled at Faust all day. "Hey Teepo, where are you, you lazy bastard!" I yelled into the house. Maybe he's asleep, since he does sleep like a rock, I thought wrong apparently since he wasn't to be found in the entire house. "Hey Faust, Where are you!" I yelled, this time hoping Faust could enlighten me on this little predicament. But Faust was nowhere to be found either. "Hmm... this is getting weird." I thought to myself.

At that moment, Faust burst through the front door with his friends running right behind him! "Yeah! House party!" Screamed the various friends of Faust that had been behind him. Apparently, Faust had brought over Zappa, Pennywise, Freakazoid, The Mask, and Master Chief... though I don't know why he was here... or why he had a dozen guns with him since the army banned him from them because of the little fire accident that seemed to blow up three of their bases, including part of the White House. "Faust, what the hell are you doing?!" I exclaimed in sudden surprise to the whole fiasco. "What?" said Faust. "We were just going to have a party since Teepo's dead."

"Who's Teepo?" asked Teepo... "Where were you Teepo, I thought you were dead?" I said "And Faust said you died." "Well, I went on a vacation... which ended 1 hour ago." said Teepo. "AHHHHHH!!!" exclaimed Pennywise. "The dead walk again, like in that one movie with that one thing!" just then the mask's head imploded... and Master Chief ran out the door with Zappa, and Freakazoid. "Well, that was odd." said Teepo "I'm off to bed." and with that Teepo went to sleep upstairs... I on the other hand had to clean the mess the idiots left. "Faust, you want to help me clean up?" I asked him, and then Faust turned into a penguin and flew into the light bulb disappearing from site..."Damn."


	10. Day LMNOP I woke up wtih the king

Day LMNOP - I woke up with the king, and it was not great.

Today, I can't even begin to explain how this day went. It all started when Faust was watching TV, for a change. A commercial for Burger King came on during the break, and Faust saw the king and, went, NUTS! "MY GOD! "He screamed as he jumped five feet in the air. "Yeah, I could go for some food now too." I said as I stay seated on the couch. "NO! That really is GOD! "Yelled Faust once again, right into Emerld's ear. "What the fuck man!?" Said Emerld very pissed off. "Ok, you know what? I'm not even sticking around for this today, I'm leaving." Said Emerld as he walked out the front door and right off a cliff. "Figures." I said as I continued watching TV. "You'll see, you'll all see the light of our true savior!" Said Faust in a serious tone. "Faust, the burger king isn't a religious icon, he's just a ploy to sell there stupid food." I explained. "DAMN THE NON-BELIEVER!" Faust screamed as he jammed a burger down my throat. I sat there trying to stop myself from choking to death as Faust ran out the door screaming something about recruiting people for some religion.

A few hours later I watched out the window as Faust was wearing a king's robe and preaching to some... earthworms... "Our time has come! They called us crazy! They said our god didn't exist! They said we would never become a real church! "Faust preached to the worms." We have been through many hardships! We've been ridiculed ever since our beliefs came to be at 11:30 this morning." Faust continued. At that time one of the earthworms got up, it was Jim! "This is fucking bullshit, I can't believe I let you waste my whole fucking day on this crap! I'm leaving." Said Jim as he turned around and walked off a cliff." I really need to remember where I put those cliffs." Said Faust.

I didn't see him for a few hours that day, at around 6:30, the news came on, I didn't even have the TV turned on, but that didn't stop it. The TV displayed images of Faust with an entire army of people wearing those stupid burger king crowns. "Oh fuck..." I said as I left the house to go down town. "I better get Emerld for this too." I said to myself as I left the house.


	11. Day LMNOP Part the second

Day LMNOP - Part the second.

Teepo found me about an hour later on the bottom of a canyon. After Faust went berserk with the new Burger King religion that he had come up with, I and Teepo decided to do something about it. So we did, and we called a bounty hunter; named Chuck Norris, the greatest bounty hunter/ ranger alive. To Teepo, Chuck Norris was not just a god, but something better, an idol. "So, Mr. Norris, can you hunt this retard down and put a stop to this damned religion that he started?" I asked him. "Can I roundhouse kick someone and put them in a coma?" Chuck Norris answered back. "YES!" replied Teepo with absolute certainty. "Then I'll take the job." Chuck Norris replied. We gave him the money and he said that he'd get the job done; Teepo wanted his autograph first though. We asked him if we could tag along though, just to see him get the job done. He agreed.

As the day went by, we seemed to find more and more clues as to where Faust had gone with his religion craze. Apparently, he had been going across countries and Islands and such spreading the word of the Burger King. Every place we reached had been infected by Faust, France, Germany, Russia, Japan, and others, all bowing down to giant pictures of the Burger King. "This evil has got to stop." said Teepo, "I know." I replied, "No, I mean they should all bow down to Chuck Norris." He continued. "Shut up Teepo." I replied. "Shush." Chuck Norris said, "Were near his lair!" he whispered. Faust's "Lair" was a small castle made entirely out of different sized whoppers and French fries. **It** **smelt like rotting meat. **It was probably one of the most disgusting things that I've seen or smelt. The place was not guarded though for some reason, but Chuck said to be careful. It was a small place on the outside, but it was lager on the inside. It didn't take too long to get the center of the small castle, where a giant throne had been erected out of different sized drinks. In the throne sat the king, the Burger King. Next to him standing high and mighty with a burger king crown on his head and a crappy kings robe around his shoulders was Faust. "All bow down to his lords will, the King!" exclaimed Faust as if he was a high priest. "He Yeah!!!" Screamed Chuck Norris as he snapped the Burger Kings neck from behind. "NOOOO!!!" Screamed Faust. Chuck Norris then karate chopped Faust in the back and he collapsed on the floor, unconscious. "Well, my job is done." Stated Chuck Norris as he pulled an umbrella out and floated away. "Well, lets let Faust clean this up, it's his fault." Said Teepo, "Meh, lets go home."


	12. Day 2 The horror begins

Day 2 - The horror begins...

The next day we didn't see much of Faust, actually we didn't even know where he was. It wasn't until about 3:00 P.M. until... wait a minute. We already covered this, never mind.


	13. Day 411 Faust watches spiderman

Day 411 - Faust watches Spiderman.

"Well Faust?" I said, still annoyed with his stupidity. "What?" said Faust, hanging form the ceiling fan. "Faust, why are you hanging from the living room ceiling fan for?" I asked. "Well, I saw a movie with this guy who could hang from stuff with his body." Said Faust. "You mean Spiderman?" I asked. "Yeah, sure, I'll go with that." said Faust now crawling on the walls. "Oh! a fly!" said Faust. "I got to eat it now!" Teepo, now walking down the stairs from his afternoon nap wondering what was making noise downstairs. "I was sleeping, what the hell are you two doing?" asked Teepo yawning. "Faust watched Spiderman, and now he thinks he has his powers. I replied. "Faust, you're not Spiderman, now get off the wall." Teepo said. "I'm not Spiderman, I'm **SPIDERFAUSTMAN**!!" screamed Faust who shot web, not out his wrist, but out his ass, fleeing the scene until he hit the closed window. "Hehehe, I'm glad I closed that window." I said. "I'm off to save the day!" yelled Faust standing in a cartooned heroic pose. After that, Faust crashed through the closed window getting glass on the floor, and landed on the next doors cat, killing it with his giant feet. "I'm going to go and follow him, ok Teepo?" I asked him. "Sure, tell me how it goes when you get back, ok?" he said. "Ok." I replied.

I followed Faust until he stopped near a crosswalk to help an old person. Surprisingly enough, he actually helped the old lady across the street. The only bad thing about that was he caused about five hundred thousand dollars in damages to the cars in the street. I continued to follow Faust around town watching his "good deeds", and the destruction that shortly followed after. I got bored of following… well, I lost site of Faust, so I decided to grab some lunch at the local deli. After I ordered my sandwich, and as I started to eat it, Faust burst through the doors yelling: "Fear not citizen!" to an old man, "I'll help you eat!" Faust then picked up the bench with his hands and ate the whole thing, with the old man still on it. At that point I was disturbed enough to lose my appetite and went home, after I got back I retold the events to Teepo. "Wow, I'm surprised that Faust hasn't hurt you yet." Said Teepo. "Well, I'm not so much **hurt, **rather then traumatized by what had occurred today. I said. "I'm going to go to bed." "Night then." said Teepo. After I got upstairs and turned on my light, I discovered that Faust was storing people on giant spider webs in my room. "Whatever." I said to myself as I turned off the light and went to sleep.


	14. Day 41 Six flags guy

Day 41 - ...Six flags guy...

Here I am, once again signing into whatever it is I'm writing on. Today was yet another day of misery. This time surprisingly, Faust _wasn't_ the problem. Well, it all started when Emerld picked up this old guy from the bus stop. " Hey Teepo! Look at this old guy! " said Emerld as he was sitting next to him on the couch. "So, what about him, and why is he here?" I said, even though I didn't care. " I don't know. " said Emerld as he sat on the couch and started watching I pity The Fool. "Emerld, get him out of here." I demanded. "I can't." He replied. "Well why not?" I asked. "Because, he's gone." He said. As I looked over next to him, he really was gone! "Oh fuck, where did he go!? Did Faust eat him?" I said in a panic. "Here I am." Said Faust, however I could not find out where the voice had come from. At that moment I saw Emerld with a weird look on his face, then I looked at the TV, Faust was talking to Mr.T!

"You need to stop terrorizing these two! Find yourself a hobby foo!" Said Mr.T to Faust. "But terrorizing them is a hobby!" replied Faust. "Are you even listening to me? I said find something else to do! Get yourself a girl maybe!" said Mr.T to Faust again. "Screw you Mr.T!" Replied Faust. At that moment dark clouds formed around the TV set. "You dare insult Mr.T!? " he said as he has a wicked look in his eye, and that was the first time I ever saw Faust panic. AHHH HA HA HA HA HAAA!!!!" screamed Faust as he jumped out from the TV set and immediately smashed it with a sludge hammer! "God damn it." I though to myself.

"Whatever! Now we need to find that old guy!" I said. At that moment we started hearing Music playing through the house, at first it was soft, but then it got louder. Then, out of nowhere, that old guy jumped out of nowhere and stated dancing on the table! Da da da da da dadada da da da da da dadada da da da da da dadada da da da da dadada. It just kept going on, and on, and on! And he just kept dancing, and dancing, AND DANCING! "ENOUGH!!!" screamed not me, but Faust. HA! Bet you thought it was me didn't you! P "I can't take this, this guy has got to go!" Faust screamed as he pulled out a double barrel shotgun. BLAM! Faust shot the old guy from two feet away, but, he was gone! Then, he popped out from the kitchen and started dancing! BLAM! Faust shot again, this time he once again was gone, and jumped out from behind the couch! BLAM, BLAM, BLAM! Faust shot wildly at him but couldn't hit him even once, it was like whack-a-mole on crack! This went on for minutes before Faust got angry, then, the old guy, burst out of FAUST! "Fucking weak!" yelled Emerld as he was covered in pieces of Faust. Then, the old guy simply danced outside the door, taking the music with him. Me and Emerld looked at each other, then we looked at a mutilated and twisted Faust, then at each other again. " Well, I'm going to go write about this in the diary." I said. And to any of you fuckers reading this, WHY THE FUCK HAVEN'T YOU SENT FOR HELP YET!? Damn! You've been reading about our horrible time with this maniac and have done nothing! You should be ashamed of yourself. In fact, go kill yourself, RIGHT NOW! Or just keep reading, I really don't care.


	15. Day Green The Fausting

Day Green- The Fausting

In a Land Fart, Fart away... There lived a Frog tick named Artie, the frog tick. He was accompanied by his high priest, ME!! By my side were my loyal servants Teepo, and Emerld. Then, a hippo queen came to have tea with us, then we explodedededed into action against each other, while the tea was roasting over a chest nut chest! As we searched the forest of enchanted Pecan Pickles, a dinosaur named Erbert came by to lead us. Every time he walked, blood pooped out of him with a fart too. When we reached the Herring of Turtles palace, we were greeted by sir Zappa, and Zap zap. After we followed them, we met a stranger who had a triple-decker sandwich names Pennywise, I call him penny for short. When we got into the castle. The peanuts from turquoise started to attack, lead by their leader, A MIME!! Then as the peanuts were breaking down the doors, a big green twister ate them, and I ate their leader. Soon after the king rewarded me with a new bag, a brown bag unto which I wear to- day. Teepo and Emerld yell at me when I do funny stuffs to them. We even went to an art museum together and peoples called me u-g-l-y, which I scared them after for.

Shit, Sorry if you're reading this. You see, Faust found the journal that I and Teepo have been logging into, and decided to have a pay day with it. Oh well, at least we caught him in the act and have the journal back...for now at least.


	16. Day 43 How to make an exploding head

Day 43 - How to make an exploding head.

Today was fun. Not really. As you may already know, Faust has the ability to remove his head, and make it explode. Today, Faust's realized that normal people could not do this, so he started a scheme to sell instructions on how… to make your own exploding head… "No, no, no, no, no, no, no!!!" I said as Faust told me of his horrible idea. "Come on Teepo! We can make tons of money of this deal!" He replied "By causing people's heads to explode!?" asked Emerld in shock. "What's wrong with that?" Faust asked "I do it all the time! Watch, I'll do it right now." "NO!" Emerld and I both yelled at him. "Normal people's heads don't grow back Faust" I explained to him. "I know! That's the beauty of it! Earlier I ripped the head off your favorite Bridget plushy, and strapped it to a rocket programmed to hit the sun. After the head didn't grow back, I got this idea to teach people how to make there heads grow back!" Faust told to us. "You **WHAT!?**" I screamed as I ran to my room to see if what he had said was true. It, of course, was. "…" was all that came to mind as I passed out from shock. About 3 hours later, I woke up and somehow in the living room to see Emerld in the chair. "Hey Teepo." He said as I got off the floor. "How did I get here, and where is Faust?" I asked him. "what? You don't remember? You saw what Faust did you your plushy and attacked him, you missed, knocked down the living room wall destroying the front lawn, attacked him again, knocked yourself out, then Faust left with his exploding head papers." Emerld explained the story as I looked at the destroyed wall. "And you didn't stop him?" I asked. "Hey, I saw Faust perform an act of cannibalism last time, I am never fallowing that guy again!" Emerld explained. "Act of… never mind, I guess I'll go get him." I said as I got up and walked toward the door.

Everywhere in town, Faust had posted instructions on making that damn exploding head. I actually saw people reading them, some of them even took them with them! How!? How can people actually be this stupid! As I walked down the streets I ripped the papers from the hands of these idiots, I even had to remove a mask of fireworks from a guy, and stop another girl from removing her own head with a bear trap. "I'm not even going to read what these instructions say" I though to myself. It was about 40 minutes before I found Faust, but when I did find him, he had an entire crowd gathered around him. "Oh god, I am so fucked" I thought as I figured it was to late to stop him and began to run, but apparently, I got there at the _last _step to Faust's instructions. Everyone in the crowd the began to make there heads explode, and they didn't grow back either, also, some of them used way too much explosives. You know what that meant right? Yep, the entire block went up in flames. Not one person survived. Not even me.


	17. Day ?

Day - ???

Well, Faust still acts like a dog, even though we took him to a vet's office. We were back at the house when outside Faust started barking… you know, on all fours, acting like a dog. When all of a sudden Faust walked in through the front door! "Faust, is that you?" asked Teepo in surprise. "Yeah, it's me." replied Faust, "Then who's that Faust outside?" asked Teepo. "Oh." said Faust. "That's my new dog, Rex!" "When'd you get a dog?" I asked. Faust then ignored my question and headed straight for the back door. After he opened the door he motioned us to follow. When we got outside Faust walked over to the other Faust on all fours and removed the paper bag. There was nothing there, no head, no dog, no nothing, then, the other Faust on all fours with no head just exploded. No reason at all, it just went BOOM!


	18. Day 57 Sick day

Day 57 - Sick Day.

Today I didn't get out of bed, I was too sick. We had just got back form Japan sometime ago, I'd tell you about that but we left the journal over there. But as I said, today I was sick, and thought I would get a day off from Faust, but then I remembered he was a licensed doctor. It was horrible, our friends Chris and Jack moved in with us just two days ago, Faust "built" there rooms for them somehow within an 18 minute timeframe. "Faust, how did you build 2 complete rooms in only 18 minutes!?" asked Emerld. "It was easy! I just found them lying around on the street!" explained Faust. That day I walked outside to get the mail, and saw the houses on either side of us with portions of them ripped out of them. "FAUST!!!" I screamed, that day I beat him with a sack of potatoes, but it didn't pay for the houses he destroyed, and he beat me even worse… with a sack of rocks. Maybe that's why I'm in bed, and not because of a virus… My girlfriend also moved in with us… but I just decided to let her stay in my room, less we have to do with Faust. So, back to me being sick. I was just lying in bed all morning, the others were all off doing there own little things. I heard them yelling from the kitchen. "Hey, Faust ate all the food!!!" yelled Chris. "No, that was you Chris!" yelled Emerld. "Well Faust watched me eat it!!!" yelled Chris again. "Whet does that have to do with anything!?" asked Kaylee. "Duh! He was probably imagining himself eating it the whole time! If I hadn't eaten it before him, we'd be out of food right now!!!" continued Chris. "But now we are out of food dumb ass!" yelled Jack. "I'm going to eat the fridge!" yelled Faust. "NO!!!" yelled just about everyone but Faust. "They have all the fun!" I thought to myself.

About an hour of boredom passed, when my door slowly opened. "Hello?" I asked. Then the door slowly closed back up. "Weird." I though. About 10 minutes later, the door creeps open again. "That had better not be you Demitri the Encino ghost!!!" I yelled. The door once again closed back up. "Damn ghosts… damn Faust… GHOST FAUST!!!" I thought as I tried to ignore it. About 10 more minutes passed, then the door slowly creped open once again, this time I threw a ceramic pigeon that Faust had petrified and placed in my room earlier at the door. The door slammed shut, and then burst open, Pennywise then burst in and started doing clown stunts. "What is the meaning of this!?" I demanded to know. "I am part of the Faust lasting laughs associating! I tell jokes to dead people!" He explained. "Get the fuck out of here! I'm not dead; I just look like this because I don't leave the house!" I yelled as I threw petrified gerbils at him. He then left, and Faust took his place. "OK! Time for your shots!" he yelled. "Shots!?" I though to myself and knew this could not be good. He left the room after injecting six different liquids into my vital organs, and I think one of them was root beer. If you're reading this, please, help me…


	19. Day I forgot Hunting Trip

Day... I forgot - Hunting Trip

Well, Today was one of those random days where almost anything can happen to you, and it will. Like this afternoon, Faust decided to go hunting, which is weird, since he never really warns us when he's going to attack us. Anyway, this afternoon, Faust decided to ask me, Chris, and Jack to go hunting with him out in the local forest. "Do you even have a permit to hunt?" I asked Faust. "Yeah, I do, and I got it from pennywise too." replied Faust. "Wait, you got the permit to hunt from your friend who eats little kids?" Jack asked. "Yeah, so?" said Faust. "Never mind." I said. Chris went up stairs and got his bow… "Chris, I thought you're a Christian… you know, not killing or maiming anyone or anything?" I asked him. "Pshhh, I can kill if I want to, it just means more food, so I'm in." said Chris. "Whatever..."I replied. After all things were said and done, we decided to go on the hunting trip. Jack brought along his Kung fu gloves... said he wanted to fight the prey to death in order to kill it. Chris, as I said earlier, brought along his bow, with arrows. Faust decided to bring along his shotgun... he attached a laser to the top of it so it could be more accurate. I brought along a hunting kit for skinning the deceased animal, and also a bow with arrows too.

After we got outside I asked Faust how we were to get to the forest to hunt, he replied that we'd use his vehicle. "What vehicle?" asked Chris. "Yeah, there's no car here." Said Jack in reply to Chris's comment. "Its right here." replied Faust. "Faust, there is no car anywhere, you have no car" I said to him. But at that moment, Faust just sat down on something invisible in the street, turned it on, and started to rev the engine. "What the hell?" asked Jack. Then, Faust motioned us to get in. After we were in, Faust told us it was his invisible lawn-chair car. It freaked me, Chris and Jack out. So Faust drove us down to the forest where Pennywise was standing at the entrance. "Lobby Parking, only 4 dollars." He said with a pair of sun glasses he had on with some red goo on them, probably blood. "Okay." said Faust as he handed Pennywise a turkey sandwich. "Woo!" screamed Pennywise as he grabbed the sandwich and drove Faust's car off somewhere.

When we entered the forest it wasn't like what we'd expected, it looked more like on of those shooting duck galleries at some carnival. Faust then inserted a coin into some hole on a tree that he was standing near, and Freakazoid popped up with some dead animal attached to his head, most likely a duck he scared to death. Bang Bang Went Faust's gun, then he said "Come on, we have to kill it!" Chris and Jack joined in on trying to kill an already deceased animal. Freakazoid then got up and started running into the woods and a chase started soon after. "Get that duck!" screamed Jack as he jumped after it. "Chris, you can't tell me that you're actually going with this stupid thing?" I asked him. "Hells yeah!" he replied as he shot his arrows off at Freakazoid. "Come on Emerld!" yelled Faust "Shoot that turkey!" The rest of that afternoon was horrible, Chris got hit by one of Faust's shotgun blasts in the stomach, but he's ok, Chris's stomach ate the bullets. Jack also got hit, but by a low hanging tree branch. Faust then accidentally shot his own foot as Freakazoid ducked under him, then, after about what seemed 5 or more hours since the sun was starting to set, Freakazoid was caught by Pennywise, who needed 3 dollars to buy another sandwich.

After that we went home in Faust's invisible lawn-chair car. "So, how did the hunting trip go?" asked Teepo sitting on the couch with Kaylee eating popcorn, probably watching a movie. "Meh, not bad, but I really don't want to do that again." I said. "THAT WAS FUN!" screamed both Chris and Jack as they entered the door holding the duck they ripped off of Freakazoid head. "Who wants turkey jerky?" asked Faust, AKA the Crazy Mr. Bagman. And that's what happened, now, I'm going to stop writing in this stupid thing and go to bed in the corner now. Night.


	20. Day FORGET THE DAY! THE MACHINES!

Day - FORGET THE DAY!!! THE MACHINES!!! THE MACHINES!!!

OK, today has almost nothing to do with Faust, today, _I was the problem. _Faust was just playing his weekly poker game that started less then 5 minutes ago. "Attention everyone! Today, I found out something I never knew about myself!" I said as I jumped on the table ruining they're poker game. "What is it Teepo?" asked Emerld, he sounded like he didn't care at all. "I have discovered, I am half man, and half machine!!! And possible half girl." I explained to them. "Teepo, shut up, you are not half machine." Emerld lectured me. "And your defiantly not half girl." Kaylee also lectured me. "I don't know, he does have long hair." explained Emerld. "Shut up!" yelled Kaylee. "People, please! This is my time to shine! Watch as I demonstrate my awesome mechanical ness!!!" I explained to all as I jumped from the table on to the wall, then kicked off and landed on top of Jack. "Get off me!" He yelled as he pushed me off. "OH! My spine!" he pleaded as he crippled in pain. "What's the deal!? I was supposed to activate the jet boots and chainsaws as I propelled myself straight through the heart of Emerld!!!" I explained in confusion. "Why me? What did I do!?" Emerld asked in confusion. "Because you exist!" I yelled at him. "Now, if I'm not half machine, then that means, I HAVE TO DESTROY ALL THE WORLDS MACHANICAL HUMANOIDS!!!" I yelled, freaking out everyone. "Teepo, are you ok boi?" asked Chris. "Of course, hey you want to help me?" I asked him. "Oh hell yeah! Let me get my axe!" said Chris as he ran to his room all excited like. "Teepo, are you feeling ok? This is something I would expect from Faust." Asked Kaylee. "Oh I get it, just because a guy declares war against all the worlds' machines makes him as insane as a man with a paper bag over his head!" I said in frustration. "Teepo, just calm down, and I'll get you some tea." said Kaylee still trying to get me to calm down. "Well, that does sound nice." I said calming a bit. "Got my axe!" Chris yelled running down the stairs with a huge axe. "ALL RIGHT! THEN WE'RE OFF!!! Faust, you want to come too?" I asked, yes, I asked Faust to come with me. "Are you kidding? I was going to fallow you there anyway!" Said Faust as he pulled out a shot gun and joined me and Chris. "Ok, Teepo, just listen to me." Kaylee tried once more to stop me, as I pulled out a double bladed chainsaw complete with flamethrower attachment. "Never mind, have fun." she said as she shuddered a bit.

About mid day, we gathered in the middle of the town. "All right! I'm calling out all of you machines! Anyone in this town with any mechanical parts in them, stand in front of this guys shot gun!" I screamed at the town as I pointed to Faust. Everyone ran around screaming. "They must be rounding up the machines!" I thought as I led the group around other machine related hideouts. "IN THERE!" Chris screamed as he pointed to the dump. "Good thinking, destroy the already destroyed machines so they do not return as zombie robots!!!" I said as we went fourth into the dump. We spent about a half hour hacking up, shooting, and then burning anything that looked metal. We even attacked the dump manager, due to the fact that he was wearing a reflector, which Faust mistook for lasers, and a homeless man covered in tin foil. Don't worry, they survived unharmed, armatures can't handle some reckless murdering.

After the dump, we journeyed onward to an auction, _a mechanical parts science auction_. We busted in without warning, Faust began shooting every one in sight, Chris smashed the item up for auction, and I made sure everyone knew of my war against the machines!!! Later that day, we ended up at a mechanic auto shop. "You aid the machines! You must die!" I screamed as I charged at a man working on a car, I swung the chainsaw at him, but he blocked me with… a wrench. "What the!?" I thought as this fat man threw me off of him with a flick of the wrist. He then snapped his fingers, and two other men came from the back of the shop. "Come on boys! We can take them!" Faust screamed as him and Chris charged at the two new opponents, as I fought the original. The guy Chris fought was kind of old looking, and had a very long moustache; the guy Faust fought had a bandana and a sort of Hulk Hogan look to his face. So, Chris swings his axe at the guy, and he catches it with his bear hands! He then knocked Chris back and hit him very hard with a tire iron. In the face. Faust held his gun up and prepared to shoot, but the other guy grabbed his gun and threw it across the building. Faust then pulled out his scalpel, but it was too late, the mechanic had already put on his boxing gloves and gave Faust one right in the kidneys! I turned on the flamethrower feature of my chainsaw, but kind of lost control and incinerated Faust… Then the fat mechanic hit me with a baseball bat and I was out cold. I woke up later at the house with Chris and Faust, Kaylee was there and then asked: "Well, did you learn a lesson?" "Yeah, don't fuck with the machines!" Chris said. "We didn't even fight the machines! Those were just some mechanics, and they kicked our asses!" I explained shamefully. "Yeah, the food was good though." Said Faust. "Whatever." I said as I grabbed this journal that I am now writing in.


	21. Days December 22,24 A Christmas Fausting

Days December 22-24 - A Christmas Fausting begins!

HO, HO, HO, all well since Christmas is almost here, but all the joy in the flipping world can't cheer up our home, since Faust lives here with us. Anyway, as I said, this Christmas isn't going to be very quiet like most people would want. Faust has been living with me and Teepo for awhile now, and sometime after our trip to Japan, three new arrivals have been added to the house's current residence. Jack- a weird street fighter cross that loves to fight, mine and Teepo's good friend... Chris - an over obsessed sonic fan who never can get full from eating, good friends to Teepo, me and Jack. And Kaylee - Teepo's girlfriend, who doesn't really give a shit about the rest of us except for Teepo, and she doesn't trust Faust to much. Anyway, onto the rest of writing in this thing. This Christmas though, Faust is living with us, and we got more people than we expected.

Well, around 2 this afternoon Teepo, me, and Jack decided to go out Christmas shopping for the others. I bought some stuff for like Teepo and Jack, until around 4 we meet at the center of the mall for some rest and food. "Well, you guys ready to go back home yet?" I asked Jack and Teepo. "Yeah, I'm done, besides, why'd I come shopping with you guys anyway?" asked Jack. "Because, we need the extra muscle to carry all the shit that we bought." said Teepo. "Oh." said Jack.

Around the time we were about to exis the mall, Kaylee, Chris, Kaylee's friends, and Faust came in through the front doors, so we decided to make a hasty retreat to the back of the mall, near the rear door. "So, I wonder why there here?" I asked as we hid behind some store plants and furniture. "I don't know, and why'd they bring Chris and Faust along with them?" asked Teepo. "Maybe, Kaylee brought Chris to tell her what Teepo wants, and they brought Faust for the same reason you brought me." replied Jack... "Jack, never stop thinking smart." Teepo replied to his thoughtful comment. After about what seemed another 2 hours of dodging Kaylee's group, Faust found us as we tried to hide in some changing booths; "HEY GUYS!" yelled Faust as he stuck his head under the door to find us. "Faust, shush, we don't want Kaylee, or Chris, or anybody else to know were here." Spouted Teepo. "OKAY" replied Faust, "I'll keep it a secret." "Good." Replied Teepo to Faust.

After that little incident, Faust started to follow us around the store, apparently trying to act like a secret spy or some James Bond clone. When we passed by an escalator, Faust decided to do a somersault down the up escalator. After we did pass by, Faust was stuck on the up escalator going down in a roll. He was Fuckin stuck… FOREVER! Then, about ten minutes after we left Faust there, Chris found him and yelled: "Oh yeah, I can do better!" and then he too did a somersault down that same escalator, crashing into Faust on the way down. After that, Jack yelled up to them and said "I can do even better!" and runs into the down escalator, doing a summer salt up it, hurting his spine in the process. "OWWWWWWW!!!" he screamed with an unimaginable pain as his spinal cord split in two. Oh well, we eventually got out of the mall without any more injuries, and that's the end of my writing for now, Happy Holidays! 3


	22. Day December 25th A Christmas Fausting 2

Day December 25th - A Christmas Fausting arrives!

Well, it's Christmas. It was around noon this morning when I got up, everyone else had already been up for awhile. Although I later found out I was in the twilight zone and hadn't woken up at all yet… I woke up for real afterwards though. Everything around the house was so Christmas like, we had put up lights, a tree... that Faust stole from the forest... come to think of he stole all the lights too, he even stole the midget from the Santa event at the mall.

Well, anyway, we had decorations, and surprisingly, presents, that were OK and not smashed up or on fire or anything. "Hey Teepo." greeted Kaylee as I walked in the living room. "I'm making cookies, they should be done soon." she told me. "Cookies? I ate those before you put them in the oven, when you weren't looking." explained Chris. "Then what did i put in the oven?" wondered Kaylee. A second later Faust walked in the room burnt to a crisp. "Well, that's the last time I play hide and seek with Emerld and disguise myself as cookie dough." He explained as he walked to his room. "Oh well, he'll live, he always lives..." I though to myself as I wondered where Emerld and Jack were.

About an hour or so passed when Emerld and Jack finally came home. "Where were you guys?" I asked them. "Faust made us go get all of his friends, so we could have a Christmas party." They explained. Then Pennywise, Earthworm Jim, The mask, Zappa, and Freakazoid all came in carrying boxes of I don't know what. "Hey Teepo, I got you a gift!" said Freakazoid as he threw a box in my face. "If this package explodes I will be very upset." I explained to him. "Just open it." He said. I cautiously opened it, as I did not hear a "no." What was inside it you ask? A single piece of paper that read "Pay up." "WHERE'S MY CHEESBURGER YOU OW ME!?" Screamed Freakazoid. "Relax, I got it." Said Faust as he came out of nowhere and tossed a cheeseburger to Freakazoid. "Where did you get that cheeseburger!?" I asked in a confused state. "From Chris." He said without hesitation. I then of course looked at Chris, who had an entire bag of cheeseburgers. "What!?" He said. "I was going to share!" He said. "Hey Teepo, where do you keep the pie?" Asked Jim. "We don't have any pie." I told him. "Aww..." He said as he took my broom and started plucking it apart. "Hey don't do that!" Kaylee yelled at him. I was more interested in what the mask was doing, and that would be chasing around the Christmas midget with a mallet. "Hey don't do that! We need him for later!" Yelled Chris. "Your not eating him Chris!" yelled Emerld. "I wasn't even thinking that! God people I do more then just eat all of your food... sometimes." He explained. "Your not painting him blue either!" Yelled Emerld again. "OH COME ON!" Yelled Chris as Emerld had crushed his hopes. And then Zappa tackled Mask with full force. For no reason. "This is going to be the longest Christmas ever." I thought to myself.

It was later that night when we decided to open presents. Everyone got what they wanted, Emerld got an XBOX 360 with a NASA grade titanium case to protect it from Faust. I got some Marilyn Manson T-shirts and a a new Bridget plushy, since we ALL know what happened to the last one, fucking Faust. Chris got sonic next-gen, even though we all told him it sucks, he also got an actual ever-lasting gobstoper, so he wouldn't eat all of our food. He swallowed it. Jack got exact replicas of Ryu's gloves from Street Fighter, which was a very bad thing to give him because he punched seven holes in the wall fourteen seconds later. Kaylee got some Invader Zim DVD's, which we immediately hid from Faust, we don't need him getting even more ideas to torment us... Pennywise got a copy of Cannibal Holocaust, even HE was grossed out by this movie. Jim got some new weapons, should come in handy for the duel Faust had challenged him to next week. Zappa got inline skates, although I have no idea why he wanted those or how he could even use them. And lastly, Faust. He got his own miniature theme park set up in his room, it was about eight by six feet long and a foot high, boy I feel sorry for the miniatures that have to go thought his "events." Oh well, better them then us. And that's how Christmas went, nothing else happened.

What you don't believe me!? FINE! Santa DID come to our house... He came down the chimney as usual, Faust then screamed "SANTA!" as he jumped inside his toy bag, and came out with a new harpoon gun. "That fucking don't belong to you! Get out of my bag you... you... BAGMAN!" Santa yelled at Faust attempting to get him out of his bag. Faust then said "HEY SANTA! Want to play tag!?" He then chased Santa around the house with a fucking harpoon gun! "IT'S LIKE JAPAN ALL OVER AGAIN!" I screamed as I just couldn't take it. Anyway, Santa got away OK, smashed Faust's face with the Christmas midget. I just hope he comes back next year...


	23. Day Blur half The Fausting sequel 7!

Day Blur 1/2 - The Fausting sequel number 7 -

"My name is Faust! AND I'M ME!!!" screamed Faust. "NO! Your wrong, I'M ME!!!" replied Emerld eating a turkey sandwich. "NO! I'M ME!!!" Screamed Pennywise bursting into the house stealing Emerld's sandwich. "YOUR WRONG!!! YOUR YOU!!! AND I'M ME!!!" Screamed Teepo. Then, Jim crashed through the ceiling. "I'M THE ONE TRUE ME!!!" He yelled as he passed out. Then the phone rang, Faust, who is ME! Answered it. "I'M ME DAMN IT!!!" Screamed Jack who was on the other end. Then an arrow shot from the window and stuck to my brain, a note was attached that read. "YOUR NOT ME, I AM ME!!!" in Chris's handwriting. There was a knock at the door, on the other side I could here The Mask yelling. "YOUR ALL NOT ME!!! I'M ME, NOT YOU!!!" THIS HAS BE EN ANOTHER CHAPTER WRITTEN BY THE CRAZY BAGMAN, ME!!!

Oh hell, I swear, this is the LAST time he gets a hold of this diary... although that IS exactly how today went...


	24. Day Sometime Faust to The Future pt1

Day ...Sometime - Faust to the future, part 1

WELL… ok, I've got nothing much too write about, sooo… here's what happened during the past week. More or less, it started on probably a Sunday, I'm not too sure, but anyway, around 8 in the morning, I was in the kitchen making breakfast… because I was bored, ok?! Anywho, I was in there making breakfast, Kaylee, Jack, and Chris were still asleep, Teepo and Faust did an all nighter and played street fighter, watched TV, and ate most of the food. The only reason that they'd been up all night was because Faust didn't know how to use the game controller, and decided to eat it. Me on the other hand, was up near the crack of dawn… well… that's personal, but, as I said, everybody was asleep except for Teepo, and Faust. I don't think he ever sleeps.

Onto what I was writing, after Teepo was done trying to teach Faust not to eat a game controller that costs about twenty dollars, they decided to try and help me in the kitchen. "Hey, Emerld, What are you making this early in the morning?" asked Teepo. "Is it some secret project to dominate the earth? To make your head explode and re-grow? No ,no, no, I got it, it's to get you a girlfriend, huh?" Said Faust being noisy as usual. "No you dumb shit!" I said to Faust who knocked over a can of flour."AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" screamed Pennywise right outside the window, who we just now noticed, as he was screaming at Faust covered in flour, in which he looked like a retarded ghost."I don't want this starting this early in the morn..." I said. "Start what?!" Faust said as he ripped his head off and threw it at me to catch… I threw outside at Pennywise, who in turn, fainted like the girly freak that he be. "Well, I was making breakfast until you retards came in here." I said. "OKAY." Said Faust as he picked up Teepo and walked off somewhere, probably to play some game.

About three minutes later Freakazoid and The Mask come in to help me with making the breakfast. "Sure Emerld, we'll help you." Said both the mask and Freakazoid. After about five seconds, there was a five course meal on the table, and then, in about another five seconds, The mask challenged Freakazoid to an eating contest, which ended in a tie, and the lack of the five course meal that they made.

They're both bastards, so I flipped them the birdie after they left. Sooner or later, the others started to wake up, first; it was Chris, who decided to eat whatever I put out onto the table, which resulted in me making more food than necessary. I thought Faust was doing it, but Chris eventually stopped.

Then, Jack was next up to bother me, he kept bugging me to make a dish worthy of a "great fighter" such as himself. I ended up kicking his ass out of the house and gave him five bucks to go get a burger or something.

Kaylee later on came in to help me cook in the kitchen, but decided to spend that time instead, braiding Teepo's hair, right outside the kitchen. Earthworm Jim came in, but I thought he was a real worm, since he didn't have his body with him, and I threw him out the window, landing him in a wood chipper, making jam out of him. Pennywise thought it was real jam and put it on some bread and got sick from it.

Then came in Zappa. I was making one of those things that can't have sound near it or it'll flatten… I think it's called a suflay or something… whatever. Anyway, I just put it down when Zappa walked into me, causing him to freak out and destroy most of my stuff in the kitchen. All that sound caused the suflay to fall, which then I had to throw out. I kicked Zappa out of the kitchen.

In came Mike, looking for food like the creature he is. I tried to throw him out, but I couldn't even lift him… he ate the food in the fridge, and left. So I had to get more food. As I started to leave the house, some old, crazy man jumped at me screaming "DON'T LEAVE YOUR HOME OR YOU'LL DESTROY THE FUTURE!!!" he looked freaked out, then a car, of unknown origin, ran him over. "HEY GUYS!" yelled Faust out of the driver's side window. "CHECK OUT MY SWEET NEW WHEELS!!!" "Faust, that isn't even yours!" said Teepo as he bared witness to the incident. Then, a giant hand picked us up, and fucking pulled us into the car, locking the doors after. "IN THE FUTURE, THIS BUTTON'S MEANING WILL BE FUTURE!!!" yelled Faust as he smacked a button in the dash board that read "PAST." Moments later, the swirling effect stopped.

We; me and Teepo that is, noticed that Faust was no longer in the car, but outside. When we got out of the car, we saw him fighting a pack of raptors. So, I decided to ninja kick a T-rex in the head… it failed miserably. I almost died too, until Chuck Norris came and saved me… he smashed the dinosaurs head in. "Thanks Chuck Norris." I said. "But, how long have you been alive though?" I asked him. "I've been alive since the beginning of time." Then, after he had said that, he took the dinosaur he'd just killed and threw it so hard, it flew into outer space." So… Chuck, do you know how the dinosaurs died?" asked Teepo. "Yeah." said Chuck, "I am the one who made them extinct." He said in reply. Later on we recruited Chuck into helping us, which got us into the future. And that's where Teepo takes over.


	25. Day Somewhere in time FTTF pt2!

Day somewhere in time, Faust to the future, PART II!!!

Ok, let us recap what just happened, Emerld tried to cook, and it got us sent 300 years into the future. Or something like that. Well now me, Emerld, Faust, and somehow Chuck Norris is… he's gone! "Where the hell did Chuck go!?" I asked the gang. "Chuck Norris was never with us Teepo! Chuck Norris is just a myth!" yelled Faust. "No, he was just with us!" yelled back Emerld. "He is a myth! Why don't you believe me!?" whined Faust. "If he was a myth he wouldn't have killed your god!" I explained. "What god?" Asked Faust. "That god!" Emerld said as he pointed to a giant burger king billboard. "Oh yeah! I remember that guy! He's awesome!" said Faust as he remembered his events awhile back.

"Well, let's just forget about Chuck for awhile, Faust I'm sick of this place, it's been like four minutes already and I want to go home!" I explained out of boredom. "Okale doke!" said Faust as he backed the time car into the billboard post, causing it to fall on top of the car! "Oops." Said Faust as he pulled us out of the destroyed car. "Why did I let you drive!?" I asked in complete confusion. "Because it was my car!" He explained. "No, you stole it from some old guy!" said Emerld. "He would've wanted me to have it! Before he died." Said Faust. "YOU KILLED HIM!" I yelled at him. "It doesn't matter; we have to find a way back to our own time now!" I explained as I led them away from the crash site.

A few moments later we ended up in the middle of some city, probably the same one we live in, in the future. "What gives, not much of this future is very different from 300 years ago. We then walked into a local store to get some snacks, yes we are trapped 300 years in the future and we want to buy some snacks, do YOU have a problem with that!? What did we find? Chuck Norris of the past, arguing with Chuck Norris of the future! "Hey look, it's me!" said Chuck of the past. "No, I'm me!" screamed chuck of the future. "My ass you're me, you're you! I'M ME!!!" Screamed back Chuck of the past! Then they both began a catastrophic battle far beyond DBZ or Superman like proportions. They destroyed the store, half the block, some old people who were just walking around outside, Faust, many cars in the street, Faust again, and then finally Chuck of the future ended up eating Chuck of the past whole, making him twice as powerful as ever before. Then Chuck flew off into the sky, speeding straight through the burger king billboard! "NOOO!!!" Screamed Faust as he dropped to his knees. "Get a hold of yourself, Teepo already went off to find a way home!" Emerld explained as he and Faust started to follow me.

I later ended up at a house that looked a lot like our old house in the past. And what do you know, I saw another me burst threw the door yelling at Faust about his new wheels, and then I saw the hand grab the second me and a second Emerld and disappear! "Wait, so you mean to tell me we are not in the future, but actually just a few minutes before we left to the past?" I asked. "Yep, fooled you huh, it was all Chuck's idea!" Faust said as he was pleased with his prank. I didn't even say anything, me and Emerld just walked into the house, he went of to his room while I fell onto the floor and curled up into a ball. "Hey, didn't you just leave; Faust said something about going to the future." Kaylee asked me. "Yeah, but now I'm back, back from the fucking worst future ever! A future, where Faust is still in it!" I explained as I rolled over and fell asleep.


	26. Day 89 Faust becomes a power ranger

Day 89.99999999999999999.9- Faust becomes a Power Ranger

Well, today was probably not one of my most favorite days so far. It wasn't the fact the Faust is here living with us, but the fact, that he watched the show Power Rangers today, and wanted to become one. "YEAH!!!" screamed Faust after he watched the program "I wantsa become one of thems guys!" he bluntly stated. "Who guys?" asked Teepo. "THOSE POWER RANGERD PEOPLES!" he screamed into my ear. "Damn it Faust, there goes my eardrum." I said. After that he ran outside. "Now what the fuck is he going to do?" I asked Teepo. "I don't know, I'm not his mom… or maybe I am." said Teepo confused. After me and Teepo looked out the window into the backyard, we witnessed Faust making what looked like clay statues of people. "FAUST!" yelled Teepo out of the window. "What are you doing?" "I'm making the powder ranckers!!!" screamed Faust back… It made me a little more aware of the mentality of Faust, and what he can do. Soon, Jack and Chris joined Faust outside to help him out with the sculptures.

When the clay/ dirt statues were done, they actually looked like the Power Rangers too, Jack thought that they looked so real, that they must have been real, so he kept asking out the yellow ranger… even though she was made of clay/ dirt, and said nothing, Jack persisted. Faust then decided it was time to have lunch, and ate the pink ranger. Chris walked off and made a sandwich out of dirt, while Jack then proceeded to take the dirt model of the yellow ranger out on a date. Faust made a power ranger suit also out of dirt, and proceeded to wear it. "Hey guys! I'm A Power Ranger now!" he screamed yet again into not mine, but Teepo's ear this time, causing it to bleed. Faust then built a zord out of dirt too, and decided to pilot it, and destroy half the city. Jack, on the other hand, ended up having to pay child support… to a child made out of dirt… He's in court right now… deciding over the claim, that he raped the yellow ranger. We found Chris passed out from eating about 27 dirt sandwiches. The other people didn't appear today…I think they got wise today and stayed home, or left…I need to stick more roofies back into the couch… stupid Faust.

OH, Faust's reign of terror with the zord thing ended when it started to rain, and the dirt figures melted into the earth, finishing that stupid incident. I'm going to bed, I hope this doesn't happen again.


	27. Day OO BOOTBEER!

Day O.O - BOOT-BEER!!!

I don't even know what day it is, I don't care much either. Once again Faust brought his reign of terror to the outside world today. How did he do it this time? Marketing campaign. "Hey Teeps! I have an Idead for a great new invention! AGAIN!!!" He told proudly thinking once more that he had done good. "Wait, an **idead!?**" I asked as I couldn't tell if he had mispronounced the word or if he had created a new meaning all together. "Yep, that one." He then said. "OK, so… what is your so called great invention? Some sort of new bomb? A Bridget plushy grinder? A hair burning machine? Or all of the above plus something much worse!?" I asked as I knew it was going to be very bad. "It is, a simple drink." He said. "Let me guess, you drink it and you burst into flames!? Or is it poisoned some how?" I asked him again as I knew It still couldn't be good. "Nope, too easy. I happen to have a sample right here!" He said as he grabbed a bottle of brown liquid from his pocket. "I'm not drinking that!" I stated as I would not ingest something that man had invented. "Get Jack to do it!" I suggested.

He then did so, he got Jack out of his bed, and threw him down the stairs. He then jumped down the stairs two inches from Jack's face, and shoved the bottle into his mouth. Jack gagged a bit and finally threw Faust off of him. "What the fuck was that? It tasted awful!" He said disgusted. "Are you ok Jack!? Hang in there, your not going to die!" I said expecting the worst. Surprisingly, he was OK. The drink just tasted bad. "What is in that thing?" Asked Jack. "BOOTS!" Screamed Faust proudly. "Boots?" I though. "That's it?" I asked him. "Yep, now I'm off to go get a license to sell the stuff!" He said as he headed out the door. "OK, have fun I guess." I said, as I knew he could never license a product made from ground up boots. I was wrong.

A few hours later I was sitting on the couch cuddling with my girlfriend, when a commercial for Faust's product came on the TV. "BOOT BEER!!!" popped up on the screen and yelled the phrase VERY loudly shocking both me and Kaylee. The commercial was complete with VERY bright strobe lights, loud repetitive background music, and a flashing bottle of "boot-beer" on screen. The commercial was so bright and trippy, Kaylee was blinded, and Chris walked in the room and instantly fell to the floor due to a seizure brought on by the commercial. I was a bit blinded myself, and was about to turn the channel, but then Faust bopped up on screen and started talking, what he said was: "Try my new drink, BOOT-BEER! The only soda with the great taste of boots!" He yelled as he drank his product FROM AN ACTUAL BOOT.

He later retuned home, with a truck load of "boot-beer" and wanted to store it in the garage. "No." I said. "OH COME ON!" he whined. "No, you ruined my evening with my girlfriend, and you almost killed Chris, your not keeping that crap in the house!" I stated very strictly. Then as Faust headed out the door I found that Chris had already drank an entire case of the horrible soda. After I told him it was made from ground up boots he stopped drinking it, but I don't think he cared as he took a few bottles of it to his room. Well, now Faust has his own line of soda available I guess, if your reading this I take it you won't buy any of it.

It wasn't quite over yet though, after Faust got back from dumping the remaining soda I don't know where, I found him in the kitchen working on his next "food product." "What are you making now you crazy son of a bagman!?" I asked him. "The perfect dish to go with boot-beer, GOATMEAL!!!" He explained his next abomination. "Don't tell me somewhere in the house is a room full of dead goats!!!" I asked now terrified to leave the kitchen. "Nah, already ground them up to make honey bunches of goats. " he stated. "… Just get the stuff out of the house when your done." Were my last words to him as I left to my room, hoping the kitchen would still be there in the morning. If your wondering where Emerld is, he has been in his room all day… for unknown reasons.


	28. Day Blue screne of death Faust's baby

Day Blue Screen of Death- Faust thinks he has a baby….

Well, the day came where Faust came to believe that he had produced a baby… I know that seems a little strange, even for Faust, but it's true, he thought that he actually had a baby. The only problem with it, was that the baby was a sack of potatoes. "And then I had this baby come from outta my…" he started. "THAT'S FUCKIN DISGUSTING FAUST!!!" screamed Kaylee as Faust retold his story to her. "But it's ma baby." said Faust as he held the potato sack up to her. "I'm not touching that damn it." said Kaylee. "Hey Teepo! You wanna hear my story of how I had my baby!?" "NO FAUST." said Teepo as he crossed the hallway into the kitchen to get some tea.

After that, Faust decided to walk around the city with his potato sack of a baby. He showed it to many people, and a couple of there comments were funny, like this one: "ooh, what a lovely …AHH!!!" said some lady in the park, the reason that she screamed was because Faust threw one of the potatoes in the sack at her head. Another time was at some food stand, and Faust screamed bloody murder at the owner of it. He floated away on his umbrella.

Later in the day, Faust got home, and upon entering the doorway, he reached into the potato sack and pulled out a potato and ate it whole. After he sat down on the couch, we asked why Faust had eaten part of his baby, he responded 'pfft, that's not my baby, that's a potato sack, I just wanted you to think it was my baby… but secretly, MY REAL BABY, is in my stomach, growing until ready to hatch into the flaming burger that it is, and take over this meatball of a planet. "So who's the dad?" asked Jack coming up from behind me, followed by Chris, Teepo and Kaylee. "The Bur-" he started. "Don't continue" I said, as I figured out who it might be. And that was how today went, other than that, Faust sat on the couch watching TV and eating more potato's from that sack, though he wasn't alone, Jack and Chris were there watching too. Teepo and Kaylee were alone in Teepo's room for the rest of the day….and me, I fell asleep after writing this statement. The End!!!1!!


	29. Day 8000000 The great random off

Day 8,000,000 - The great random off.

Today actually seemed pretty normal. All morning Faust didn't do any thing to piss us off. All of us were just sitting around, being lazy. Then, the door burst open, flying far off the hinges, and blasting through the wall flying out into the backyard. In stepped a man wearing a purple robe like thing, as well as some sort of helmet. Around his neck was a gold chain with a large "W" charm hanging from it. The man then introduced himself. "My name is Dr. Weird, and I challenge you Dr. Faust, to a random off!!!" The man now known as Dr. Weird shook his fist as he challenged Faust. Faust got up off the floor towering over everyone else in the room, and said: "I sir, accept your challenge!" Then, it was an all out horrible day. Surprisingly, it was kind of fun to watch though…

"I'll go first!" Exclaimed Faust as he clapped his ands together, and the lamp turned into an orange duck, which Chris instantly turned to BBQ. "Pathetic!" Dr. Weird stated as he raised his arms and the floor suddenly turned to water, out of the water came fist with the bodies of taco's. We all grabbed on to stuff as to not be drown, but as soon as we did the room went back to normal, only the fish were still here. Chris ate them too.

Faust then said: "OH YEAH!" Afterward he pulled a water bottle built for a hamster out of his pocket, he then blew into it, it made strange noises. A moment later, fuzzy sock like creatures were crawling out of the ceiling and from under the carpet. He then pointed his finger at them and shot them dead, one by one. Chris dragged them all out of the room into the kitchen. Dr. Weird then pointed at Faust. Faust then became incased in concrete, thrown out the window, some how caught fire, and then was hurled back into the house, breaking our coffee table, yet again. The broken concrete then turned to liquid, and started forming little Dr. Weirds with eight legs. Chris led them all into a bag and took it into them into the kitchen.

Faust then decided he had to bring out the big guns. He went out side and grabbed a handful of dirt, he whet upstairs to Chris's room and got bottle of boot-beer, he came downstairs into the kitchen and took the only mini-weird that Chris had not eaten, and finally the TV remote. Then, he ate all the stuff he had just gotten. "OK let's do this!" he stated as he got all that stuff for absolutely no reason. He then cracked his knuckles, and punched himself in the stomach, hard. Afterwards he coughed up what seemed to be a small child, only it was about seven inches high. It had the body of a chimp, the tail of an peacock, and the face of uncle Phil from _The fresh price of Bel-air_. Chris was about to eat it, but Dr. Weird then took out a hammer, and smashed it, only it didn't die, it transformed into a bundle of pinecones.

The entire room then turned into a graveyard, and zombies began to rise out of the ground, all with the face of Larry The Cable Guy. "OK! You win!" Faust finally gave into the superior Doctor. Dr. Weird then changed the house back to normal; he then opened his mouth, and shot a dart straight into Faust's eye. Faust then fell over passed out. "My work here is done!" Dr. Weird said, and then he got into Faust's invisible lawn chair car and rode of into the sun, disappearing from sight. "Well, that was weird." I said aloud as I turned on the TV.


	30. Day 9th time zone Medievil fair

Day 9th time zone - Faust goes to a Medieval Fair

As you can read, well, hopefully you can read, Faust decided to go to a Medieval Fair today and bring us along as some sort of carrying animals. It was hot; there was almost no shade, except the barns, and Faust acted as if we were horses. The people he brought along were me, Teepo, and the rest, except for mike, that fat bastard isn't allowed in here since he sharpened the fair dorks. Anyway, today Faust took us to a medieval fair and ended up getting lost… well, what did you expect of him? "Teepo, what the hell are we doing here anyway? Weren't we sleeping just an hour ago? "I asked my friend Teepo who was sitting on the ground next to me panting after being in the sun for over an hour with 170 lbs. of pure metal on his back. "I don't know." he replied. "All I know is that we need to get some money since Faust stole all of ours, and get some refreshments before we die in this heat."

"OK." I said "We need to split into groups again like most of the other times Faust ends up missing." "First group will consist of me, Jack, Chris, Freakazoid, and pennywise." I stated "The second group will consist of Teepo, Kaylee, earthworm Jim, The Mask, Master Chief, and Zappa." "Hey!" said Chris in protest "I don't want to be pared with you Emerld, me and Jack will be our own team, besides, we don't trust pennywise, he creeps us out." "Just because I eat children some of the time doesn't make me creepy." said Pennywise in protest. "But it does make you disgusting." said Jack. "Fine" I said. "Chris and Jack will be they're own team; Me, Master Chief, Freakazoid, and Pennywise will be another team; Teepo, Jim, Kaylee, The Mask and Zappa will be the other team." I stated. "Fine." said Chris.

After we got that out of the way, we each proceeded to search for the elusive Faust. My group spotted Faust first, he was doing something with a blacksmith, and I think he was bugging him or something because the blacksmith turned around and smacked Faust upside the head with his hammer and knock his head off. It bounced of the wall and exploded. Master Chief Freaked out and started shooting his guns off all over the place since the explosion reminded him of the war he fought in… in his head. Next thing I know we ran out and Master Chief settled down and the blacksmith started talking about weapons with him, so we left him there.

We lost Freakazoid after he thought that someone's horse needed CPR, and chased after it at full speed… I think we won't see him for awhile. Pennywise and me decided to call it quits and went down to the jousting arena and got lunch. Teepo's group had a little worse. First, Jim got hungry, and threw his head into someone's mutton, which was then eaten, so we wouldn't be seeing him for awhile either. The Mask saw Freakazoid chasing after the horse that he thought needed CPR, even though it was running at full gallop and pretty much was faster than Freakazoid. So The Mask chased too and went to help Freakazoid with it. Then Zappa went into one of those armories, with all the nice shiny armor, and freaked out because Faust stole his meds, and broke every piece of metal in there, he was kicked out of the fair after he mauled three rent-a-cops. We think he got rabies' now from them.

Teepo and Kaylee felt the same as Pennywise and me and went to the jousting range and found us there with lunch. Chris and Jack were just doing nothing and decided to call it quits after jack stabbed Chris in the stomach with some sword Jack found on the ground. "Hey Chris, look at this thing!" yelled Jack as he stabbed Chris in the gut. "Huh?" said Chris as his stomach ate it. That was how it went for them, so they found us, and ordered lunch.

After we had lunch, something went quick past Pennywise and tore his head off. "What the hell was that?!" I said startled. Some knight rode back to us and gave Pennywise his head back, "Heh heh heh, you'll never guess who!" said the knight. "Faust, you can't fool us." said Kaylee, then the knight opened his helmet and it wasn't Faust at all, but Master Chief. "The hell are you doing MC?" I asked confused as to why he was on horse back. "I am facing Faust in the Jousting ring!" he said with confidence. "We'll see you in there." I said, and with that, we got onto the stands up close as the jousting had started.

After a couple of hours of jousting, it was finally up to Faust versus Master Chief. The fighting was fierce, but Faust won riding completely naked on bare horse back, and can you guess where his lance was, don't think about it, you'll strain yourself thinking about it. Master Chief was blinded by the nastiness, and so was everyone else who looked. Master Chief fell off the horse, and that ended that, Faust won. Then we left the Fair, we got dinner on the way, even though we had a car or two with us that day, Faust made us ride horses once again, and made us pull the stupid vans home with all the crap in them, and he was on top whipping us. That bastard. The End of that day at least.


	31. Day SNES Super Ghouls n' Fauslins!

Day SNES - Super Ghost n' Fauslins!

Your lucky to even be reading this, because today we had to face flying goblins that could not be touched, annoying fake treasure boxes, there were zombies all around us, as well as ghosts, and we had to fight a huge monster, that shot crotch-fire at us!!! I know what your thinking, that this all sounds like some sort of crazy video game, and it was damn it! Only we could see and feel everything… it was so real… and VERY painful. It all started when Faust went into our attic, without our permission of course, and dug out an old Super Nintendo system. Me, Emerld, Kaylee, and Chris found him sitting in front of the TV playing _Super Ghouls n' Ghosts. _ Jack wasn't with us, because Faust had used him as the ladder to the attic. He would later join us though. At the time, we just saw this as Faust being entertained, so we all just left him alone, but every time we walked into the room, another of Faust friends had come over to watch him play. First Pennywise, then Freakazoid, then The Mask, then Zappa and Jim, Master Chief, and even Dr. Weird. They were all just sitting there, having fun watching Faust, until Faust had defeated the final boss to find that he needed to now restart the game and make his way to the end to fight the real final boss. "WHAT!? No way I'm doing that! This game was really fucking hard to get to the end once!" He screamed at the TV. All of his friends seemed to agree with him. Then Faust said aloud: "Come on guys! We can do this better!" And with that statement, Faust and all of his friends jumped into the TV one by one. We didn't care, we hoped they wouldn't come back, but then Chris had to jump in after them, so I decided to go too. Since I went, Kaylee followed me, and somehow Emerld ended up tripping and falling into the TV, the object he tripped over was Jack, who also fell in with us.

Since me and Chris went in first, we arrived before the others. We we're in some sort of graveyard, Chris also pointed out that we we're now wearing armor, and had been given Lances. The word "Start" appeared over our heard, and zombies began rising from the ground. "All right!" Said Chris excited to bash some zombies, I too was surprisingly excited, since I found a treasure box to my right with an exploding torch in it. So we went onward, bashing the shit out of any zombie unlucky enough to cross our paths. Chris immediately found a better suit of armor in a box on a headstone, which gave his lance more power. It would've helped out with the werewolves up ahead, but Chris just tackled them down one by one and collected them for a big BBQ later. "We're not eating those Chris!" I sad as I battled with a flaming skull that had sprung from the ground. "I will." He added as he took one from the bag and ate it, after briefly roasting it over the flaming skull. A moment later I found another box, this time containing a small throwing axe, however when Chris opened the next box, a wizard in a blue cape appeared. "Hey! Look at this guy, he looks dumb as hell!" Chris pointed and laughed as the wizard turned him into an old man. I protected him for a moment and then he turned back to normal, now holding a grudge against the wizard. We then came across some pillars made from human skulls, that stated spewing out more skulls. We ducted under them and killed the next few wolves and zombies until we came to a lake with open waves that destroyed the land, as well as left behind some clams that shot eyeballs at us. We killed them, hollowed them out and ate them, then went onward. About halfway through Kaylee caught up with us. "Hey guys!" she said happy to see us. "Hey! Teepo! Watch this." she said as she threw a knife at me, destroying my armor. I was now standing with no pants. "Oh great! Why did you do that?" asked Chris. "I like him this way." she snickered. "EW, Teepo do you shave your legs!?" asked Chris in a somewhat shocked tone. "Look we have bigger things to worry about! Like these floating pink exploding blobs that are all around us!" We went through the blobs and dodged the flaming skeleton carts that were hurled toward us by shifting land, and found our way to the end. At the end we were greeted by Earthworm Jim. "Oh, Jim, say could you maybe get us out of this place now?" I asked him. Without a peep he then transformed into a cockatrice, and began trying to head butt us. Chris tried to Jump on him, but failed, I threw tons of axes at him, and Kaylee then threw knives at him, after Chris got back up, he threw his lances at him. We almost killed him, but then he tried to get me, thankfully, Chris pushed me out of the way taking the hit, then one of Kaylee's knives hit him, causing a massive explosion of his being. After it was dead, Emerld ran up just now making it threw the obstacles. "Hey guys! Good thing I found…" He stopped now noticing me and Chris had no pants. "What's going on here!?" he asked, but then new armor suddenly appeared on our bodies. "Never mind." He said as he pointed to a key Jim had dropped.

We went on to the next level, completely forgetting about Jack. We didn't even know he was here until we met up in the middle of the next stage. Well anyway, before we found him, we had to run away from various ghosts, ON A PIRATE SHIP! It wasn't too bad, but we kept trying to get into boxes that turned out to have ghosts in them too. By the time we found the swing line to the mid-point, none of us had any armor. I almost died, since Kaylee destroyed my armor again. The good news is she got a decent weapon, arrows, so did Chris, he got a sword, I still had the axe, and Emerld had a mini scythe. We were on drifting pieces of wood, that's where we found Jack, who had golden armor and super powers! "Hey guys, this is fun isn't it?" He asked. "How the fuck did you get so much stuff?" asked Emerld. "It was easy, these monsters are nothing!" he said proudfully. "I am the best person who ever lived!" he yelled into the sky. Then I pushed him into the sea. 3 He came back with regular armor, and wasn't too happy with me the rest of the time. We finally reached the end, after battling stupid coral and mutant turtles, Kaylee and Emerld both had armor now, as well as Jack who didn't lose his. Out from the sea came the mask, now in the form of a giant barnacle. We threw all the crap we could at him as he shot some sort of sea creatures at us. "Damn it Mask, let us go home!" Emerld yelled at him. "NEVER!" He yelled back nailing Emerld rendering him pants less. Jack finally landed the ending blow with his fancy super power shot he still had from earlier. We grabbed the next key as new armor appeared on us who were pants less again. It was on to the next stage.

We we're all now in some sort of cave full of flames, filled with little imps and huge cats that could breathe fire, I named them Bertchum. We went along killing the giant cats that could walk on two legs as well as avoid those dammed imps. Chris found another treasure chest containing the wizard, he tried to tackle him, but missed and was turned into a baby. We protected him until he turned back, now more pissed then before, and went onward. We made it out of the cave to find a goblin waiting for us. We all threw our weapons at it, but we couldn't hit it! Chris did land a hit, but it didn't die. Then Jack came forth after a brief period of losing us, he was also wearing that damn green armor that Chris had earlier, and blew up the stupid annoying goblin up with his power ball. "How do you keep getting all the fancy stuff!?" I asked him. "I just do OK?" he said. I left him alone this time because he seemed to be helping. We then had to go across floating platforms avoiding bats, as well as occasionally crossing spiral towers breaking Gargoyles and fighting some sort of demon koala-bears. We made it to the end, it was just some floating pieces of concrete stopping us from falling to our doom. Jack was gone again, just at the time when Freakazoid popped out in the form of a giant worm. He was so damn stupid though, we just ducked under him throwing stuff at him, we all had our armor on at the time but it was hard to hit him, and he kept shooting these damn pellets at us. Jack then popped on screen wearing the gold armor AGAIN and killed him. "Dang, I want that armor man, give it to me!" stated Chris as Freakazoid was exploding furiously. Chris got into it with Jack trying to take his armor, and ended up throwing him off the platform, he came back with normal armor again and was pissed, he still had his power ball though.

We got the key and went to the next stage, which was the worst yet. It was populated by axe-wielding ghosts, which Emerld named bubbles. It wasn't too bad at fist but the second we went off the platform, the floor turned to some sort of lava with sharp teeth sticking out of it, all of us were now pants less, but we found another platform that turned the entire stage upside down. We were all ok, except Chris who fell of because he thought he saw a burger, he came back now the only one of us with armor. Awaiting us was a flaming skull head, but with green flames, we killed it and went onward, now aware of the floor we didn't have much trouble, but some of us got dizzy due the stage spinning upside down. When we got to the top we lost Emerld due to him trying to play with a bubbles. We met up with him during the next part of the stage though, which consisted of heavy motion sickness inducing wavy motions, as well as blue exploding blobs, we made it up though, the only two with armor were Chris and Emerld. The boss this time, was Dr. Weird, now a three headed Hydra. Since Chris and Emerld had armor, we made them fight, jack too since he seemed to be good. Me and Kaylee just stood back and watched, and did other things. Each of the one who were fighting grabbed onto Dr. Weird's heads, trying to tear them off, but he teleported to Me and Kaylee's side of the room. We then had to fight him, we destroyed two of the heads and then he warped to the other side again. He started shooting Taco's out of his remaining mouth, Chris of course stopped to eat them leaving Emerld and Jack to do all the work. Jack finally killed him, we got the key and new armor and went on to the next stage.

It was so freaking cold, probably because of all the snow, and as much as she wanted too, I would not allow Kaylee, or anyone, to knock my armor off again. In this area were flowers that shot spores at us, as well as Ice versions of Bertchum, which I named Benji. We got up top after about five tries, we kept jumping onto these ice spikes that were next to the platform. Further on there began to rise ice tentacles from the ground. Fearing freezing cold rape, I destroyed ALL of them. There were also some cold looking werewolves, but they weren't a problem, we just let Chris handle them. Jack found a box with more green armor, and Chris found a box with the wizard in it again, try as he might Chris still ended up as a seal. Further up we found more of those damn flying goblins, I thankfully found green armor as well and helped Jack out. We got passed them, but then lost Chris, Kaylee, and Emerld to an avalanche, they came back and we got through the remaining avalanches to find Master Chief, frozen solid. "This is it? This is the boss?" Asked Jack as MC was just a giant popsicle. Chris then walked over and tapped him on the shoulder, he shattered into many pieces and we got the key and more armor.

The next stage was upward and there were three fucking flying goblins! They weren't a problem though, because I finally got lucky and found gold armor, I charged up the axe and killed all of them. There was also a bird head jutting from the wall, but Chris killed and ate it, beak and all. After that it was pretty easy, until we got to Asteroth-Pennywise. This guy was such a bastard, he immediately destroyed my gold armor with his stupid crotch-fire, then he started shooting lasers out of his fucking mouth! We noticed he was just moving back and forth, so we stood out of the range of his crotch-fire, and attacked him until he exploded. The next stage we simply went up, killing imps and bird heads, until we found another flying goblin. Jack took care of it, because he somehow got the gold armor and his power ball back. Chris found a treasure once again containing the wizard, but this time he was more pissed off then ever before, and smashed his head in with a baseball bat. We have no idea where he got it, or how it caused the wizard to burst into flames, but it did, and then it turned back into the sword he had earlier. We were greeted then by fire shooting birds heads coming from the wall, but they weren't much trouble. The walls began destroying themselves as we went even further upward. This area was full of ghosts and fake treasure, but we found some real boxes too and we all had at least normal armor, Jack had gold. We dodged the mimics and ghosts to find Asteroth-Pennywise waiting for us at the top, we defeated him the same as before, but he came back with twice the crotch-fire power then before.

We ended up beating him though, but then an image of Faust appeared thanking us for "saving him," but telling us we needed to do this all again to get a bracelet. "Oh fuck you Faust!" I yelled at him. "We didn't come to save you!" I yelled again as I got pissed of and burst through the door. We were now at the final boss, WHO WAS FAUST OF COURSE!!! He seemed tough at first, but we just stood underneath him until he was dumb enough to make platforms leading to his face. We let Jack do most of the work, and he eventually went down. Afterwards we were congratulated by floating words and Faust put everything back to normal. "Chris, go destroy this damn SNES, and then burn everything in the attic." I instructed him, he broke the game, but didn't burn the attic, instead went to the kitchen for food and boot-beer. I was curious as to how Jack was so good at the game, so I asked him. "Hey Jack, so how did you get all that stuff and end up with much more points then the rest of us?" "Easy." He said. "I just used these cheat codes here." He said as he took a piece of paper from his back pocket. "YOU HAD CHEAT CODES AND DIDN'T TELL US!?" I yelled at him. "I guess I did." He responded. "WHY NOT!?" Emerld asked him. "I don't know, because I'm me." He stated. "NO YOUR CHRIS! I'M ME!" Emerld stated. Then the Faust threw the TV at me for some reason, while it was still plugged in, giving me a horrible shock. "And Teepo is now twitchy!" said Emerld. That night we put Jack outside and added eighteen different locks to all the doors and windows, we'll let him in later. Also, Emerld brought back one of those axe wielding ghosts, bubbles, and is now keeping him as a pet.


	32. Day 309 Retirement home

Day 309- Retirement Home

This day, was probably one of the most stupid of days for me. Faust had been asking everyone around the house all day to be his assistant for some stupid magic show he was going to perform at some old person home. "No Faust." Was the reply that he had gotten from everyone in the house. That is until he came to me... Well, the only thing was that I was sleeping when he asked me. Stupid me. I waved him off and said yes, not knowing what he intended.

When I awoke, I couldn't recognize where I was, but I had this unnerving and stomach disturbing feeling that I was spinning around. Which I found out I was, because Faust had strapped me to one of those giant spinning wheels that knife throwers use. When it stopped, I saw bubbles holding something in his hands. "Bubbles, what are you holding?" I asked. The reply that I got didn't come from him, because bubbles can't speak engler, but it came from the object he was holding, Faust's head. "It's ma head!" Screamed the decapitated head. "WHAT!" I yelled back. Then some booing came from around me, which I turned to see it was a bunch of old people, it was a birthday at the retirement home. "Faust, get me off of here!" I growled at him, annoyed. "Nope." he said "WHY NOT?!" I screamed back trying to get off of the wheel. "Because we're not done yet!" he said.

After that, his de-headed body walked over to me and grabbed the wheel, spinning it as hard as it could. I threw up about tree times within the first minute. Then explosions started to surround me, it was bubbles, he was throwing the head of Faust at me, I guess he was Faust's assistant. I was hoping it would stop soon when I was jerked to a stop because Faust's body halted the wheel. "Are you done yet?!" I asked, about ready to blow chunks again.

When my vision came back to me, I noticed that Faust was gone, and bubbles was un-tying me from the wheel. "Where's Faust at?" I asked him. He just pointed over to where a bunch of old people were seated and there was this giant cake on the table. I thought that Faust was going to pop out of the cake like in the strip clubs, but it was different. As soon as the old guy blew out the candles, Faust burst outta his chest like a monkey on fire. Every old person around the table all dropped dead out of the pure shock and fear. I was thrown out along with bubbles. "Why isn't Faust being thrown out too?" I asked to the security guard who'd thrown us out. "We couldn't find him." he stated to me. After me and bubbles were about two blocks away from the retirement home, it just blew sky high, nothing was left, except a crater. And Faust just floated down out of the sky on his umbrella, landed next to us, and walked with us home. Now that I think of it, the day could have been worse. At least I wasn't killed, but now I have burns and cuts all over me.

After we got home, I threw a knife into Faust's eye, and went to bed with Jack, Chris, and Teepo staring at me; I think they thought I've lost it. I went to bed. End of today, now go jack off or do something else.


	33. Day 125 The multiplying Faust

Day 125 - The multiplying Faust.

Today doesn't have much to do with me, it's mostly about what Kaylee had to deal with when I left her alone with Faust. She told me all about her day, the reason she was left home is because me, Jack, Chris, Emerld, and Faust went to a giant hole in the ground. She thought it would be boring. The only thing we didn't realize, was that Faust was asleep and we didn't take him with us, it turns out he does sleep.

Well, we all had fun staring at the giant hole… I fell in it… Kaylee on the other hand, told me her personal Fausting began when she was leaving her room. "BOO!!!" screamed Faust as he popped out of the wall. "What the heck? What are you doing here?" she asked. "What am I NOT doing here?" he replied. "I thought you went with the others to see the giant hole?" she explained. "Nah, that hole is puny, I make bigger holes then that in the back yard!" he explained to her. "well whatever, just go find something to do." she told him. He then leapt from his spot out the window.

She didn't get two steps down the hall, before Faust came out of Emerld's room and started yapping. "Hey Kaylee, do olives grow on tree's?" he asked. "How would I know? Also didn't you just leave?" she asked confused. "Oh yeah!" he remembered as he flew threw the roof like superman.

Finally she reached the bathroom, but before she could open the door Faust came walking out saying: "Hey, you, if Jack Chris, and Chris Skinny DB, but DB an orange, and Mike an orange farmer, then why are we out of chocolate munch ums?" he asked another question that made no sense. "Go away!" she demanded. Then a green super Mario pipe rose from the floor as Faust dove in head first.

Once she came out of the bathroom, Faust dropped down from the attic above. "Get away from me!" she yelled, but Faust was already running off before hand. Faust then walked by her again, this time coming from the opposite direction he had just ran to, he was holding what appeared to be long legs, at the end of these legs, another Faust was holding on to the end helping the first Faust carry… A THIRD FAUST! Then the Faust trio walked down stairs, as another Faust ran up the stairs shortly after. "What is going on here!?" screamed Kaylee as the Faust kept running in and out of all the rooms, and coming from every direction, more and more each time.

It was about that time we all got home. I noticed Kaylee cowering in the corner of the room. "What's wrong?" I asked her. I didn't need an answer though, as Faust came in riding a cart pulled by 12 other Faust. "Get them out of here, now!" I demanded.

Later it was dinner time, I asked Faust: "So, what did you do with all the other Faust clones?'" "Your about to eat them!" He explained as he handed out our plates. "We're not eating you clones Faust! Not even Chris!" I told him. Chris immediately dropped his fork from his mouth after I said that. "Don't worry, I made all of those clones out of chocolate munch ums." He explained. And that solves the mystery of the missing chocolate munch ums!


	34. The final days

The Final Days.

Yes, you read right, there was a day where Faust actually left our lives, and let us be. I hope your in the mood for reading, because for us, this time seemed like it lasted years, and it might have, I'm sure Faust has frozen us in time before…

Me and Emerld had been driven to the edge many times by Faust, but this was the one day he went _too_ far. "YOU'RE SENDING US TO SEEK MENTAL HELP!"? I yelled at him in pure anger. "I think you guys really have some issues you need to work out, and I can't have you living in **my **house until you do." said Faust acting like he was serious or something. "Your house! This is not your house! This is our house!" Explained Emerld. "The only reason your even here is because we can't get you to leave, and the police are here you disappear, and they said if they come out here one more time to find no one they were going to put us in the insane asylum!" I explained. "Still, I paid $400 for the sessions, so you ARE going." Demanded Faust. "Where did you get $400?" Asked Chris. "Wait a minute!" he continued. "Where's the Wii! WHERE'S THE WII!!!" he screamed as he started to freak. "Calm down Chris, you playing the Wii right now!" Explained Kaylee. Chris then remembered he fell asleep with the game on pause., then he un-paused it and continued play.

So me and Emerld went to the counseling, not because Faust had ordered us, but because we wanted to get away from him, and I found out he got the $400 by selling our blood he had taken from us while we were asleep. "I don't want to go in there! I hate people!" I said to Emerld outside the office on a bench. "It won't be that bad, if anything he should be afraid of us, for what we have to tell him." said Emerld trying to calm me down.

So it was our turn, we went in and sat on one of those couches you always see these guys have in generic cartoons and stuff. "So, what exactly is the problem between you two?" The psychiatrist asked us. "There's no problem between us, we're not gay, at least I'm not." Said Emerld. "I'm not either! My girlfriend lives with us you douche bag!" I yelled at him. "Ok, so you guys aren't gay, then what is your problem, why are you hear talking to me?" he asked us. "Why are we here?" said Emerld as I didn't want to talk to him. "The guy who signed us up here! That's why!" "Huh? I don't remember anyone else signing you two up." he explained. "Of course he did, your not going to believe the things he can do! I don't even think he's human, at all!" Emerld explain a bit of what he had done to us, but then just handed him the journal and let him see for himself.

The man read our journal for awhile and then just stared at us. "You expect me to believe this really happened to you?" he asked, but I knew he wouldn't believe us from the start. "Do you have any proof it didn't happen to us?" I asked the know it all asshole. "Yes, as a matter of fact I do! About 10 years ago, two guys about your age came in here complaining about this same guy Faust, said he was about 9 feet tall and wore a paper bag over his head, just like in your journal." He explained to us. "That just means he plagued others before us! Also, that means he in fact does exist!" Emerld said to him. "Wait, does this mean we can get rid of him? I mean those other guys did right!" I asked with a small wish of hope. "No, you don't understand what I'm saying, Faust really doesn't exist, neither does Pennywise, Earthworm Jim, Freakazoid, The mask, master chief, or Dr. Weird." He then began to explain where we came up with all these people… "Pennywise was the clown from Stephen Kings book IT, Earthworm Jim and Master Chief are from video games, Freakazoid and Dr. Weird are from cartoons, and The Mask is a Jim Carrey Movie." He continued. "The other guys said Faust had other friends too, they all turned out to be cereal mascots."

What this guy was talking about would've blown our minds, but we didn't really believe him. "What are you saying we're just insane!? Your wrong! Chris, Jack, AND Kaylee all see him too! And we met them after Faust! Are they insane too or are we just contagious!?" Emerld questioned this bastard. "I hate to tell you this, but Chris and Jack don't exist, either does Teepo's girlfriend, and I'm pretty sure she was only made up because he IS gay." He explained while being an ass at the same time. "Fuck you, how would you know if I'm gay, you don't even know anything about me! Except what you read in my private journal full of all my private thoughts, which isn't really private because that's Emerld journal too…" I argued with him. "Believe what you want, I would order you back here in a week, but by that time last time the other guys had raped each other and killed themselves, be back here in tomorrow please." He said shortly before we left.

"What does that guy know!? If Faust was made up the pain wouldn't hurt so much!" Asked and explained Emerld while we were walking home. "Yeah, and I'm not gay." I said as I just had too.

By the time we got home we decided it was best to be cautious, for the slim chance that guy might be right. We decided we would stay away from our friends, and try to stay away from Faust the best we could. We snuck into our own house, and into Emerld's room, I had to stay in his room for fear Kaylee would be in mine. "What are we doing in here?" I asked him. "Why did we believe that guy, why did we even go to him!" I asked. "I don't know, but if they don't exist, then they shouldn't be out there right!?" He asked me. "I guess, but if they didn't exist before we still saw them right?" I replied. "Yes, but now we know that they aren't real, so we shouldn't still be seeing them." He explained. Afterwards we decided to go check out downstairs.

Once we got down there, he was right, absoloutly right. No one was there, no Chris, no Jack, no Kaylee, all of the stuff Faust had broken was really broken by us, the couch wasn't full of roofies, and the door was still knocked off the hinges from when we broke it on day 1. "I can't believe this, what could cause us to have gone this insane?" I asked Emerld. Then, before he could answer, all the lights went out, then once they came back on a giant floating Faust head was before us. We were terrified as it looked down upon us and then just smiled right threw the paper bag. The lights went off again, then came on but this time red, and there was an image of Mr. T's head floating by us mumbling "You dare insult Mr.T!" and "You need to stop terrorizing those guys!" He started glitching up, then the lights went off again. "COME ON FUAST THIS ISN'T FUNNY! STOP IT!" I screamed into the darkness. The lights came on again and the room was completely distorted, all the colors we fucked up, and most of our things had been bent into shapes that aren't even possible. I just sat cowering, but Emerld walked up to the light switch and flicked it off and on. Like that, the house was back to normal, well, it was still all broken up, but as normal as it was when we came downstairs. "OK, Faust is obviously fucking with us, he probably sent our friends out and he probably paid that guy to tell us that bullshit story about how Faust is in our minds." Emerld gave his theory. "I don't think so, the things Faust would do always freaked me out, but this time I was so scarred I thought I was going to vomit, I thought I was going to die!" I explained. "I hate the idea, but I think we are just insane! Those other guys probably saw the kinds of things we're seeing all week and that's why they killed themselves!" I explained to him. "Those other guys were just stupid, I'm not falling for Faust's tricks!" Emerld said as he stomped upstairs to his room.

I was alone most the rest of the day, it was so horrible, I was in my room and I kept seeing Chris, Jack, and Kaylee at random moments. First Kaylee walked into my room and asked where I had been all day, I was so happy I almost started to cry, but before I could say anything she faded away, she was never really there. I got freaked out and just laid down and tried not to think about it. Later on I kept hearing Chris's voice, stuff like "We're out of BBQ flavored cookies!" and "Yes! I do need both hands to play this game so I'm can't help you carry that refrigerator to my room!" and "I don't care if it's mine, I'm not helping!" kept ringing through my ears. Even after that I still didn't leave my room. It wasn't until I say Jack climb into my window that I got really creeped out. "JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" I yelled at him as I grabbed for a petrified gerbil, but that never existed either, all I found in it's place was a real gerbil. I chucked it anyway. "Fine! I'll go play PSP with Emerld!" said Jack. "Wait! Your real!?" I asked as Jack climbed back into the window. "Of course man, why would I not be real?" He said.

After that I was so excited that I wasn't insane that I grabbed Jack by the wrist and ran to Emerld's room. I opened his door, but then fell to the ground as I saw Emerld already Talking to Jack. "Come on! Let's go tell Teepo that guy was full of shit!" emerld said before he turned around and saw the second Jack too. We both then looked at the Jack we were going to show the other, but neither were there, as they never were. We both just admitted to ourselves we were nuts and we would go see the psychiatrist again tomorrow, and went to bed.


	35. The End

The End.

I'm afraid neither Teepo nor Emerld can tell you what happened next. Hi, this is Dr. Baldhead, AKA Faust, AKA Dr. Faust, AKA Bagman, AKA Crazy Bagman, AKA ME, here to tell you exactly why they can't write anymore. It all started the next day when they went to see that psychiatrist again, as it turns out he was correct, about some of what he said at least. What he was right about was that none of Teepo and Emerld's friends ever existed, EVER. What he was wrong about, was me, I indeed exist.

Anyway, I'll tell you how it went in there. "Your were right, we went home and everyone was gone! But guess what!? Things are much worse now! We keep seeing things and hearing our imaginary friends talking!" Emerld explained as Teepo remained silent. "I know I was right, I'm just glad you came back, for I have VERY bad news for the two of you." The man explained. "What?" asked Teepo. "You two, I'm sorry, but you can NEVER get better." he explained.

"WHAT? We're going to have to live like this, your going to send us off to some mental home aren't you!?" Teepo yelled at him in a fearful tone. "I'm afraid that won't be necessary." The psychiatrist said. "How come? We ARE insane aren't we?" Asked Emerld. "You are much more then simpley insane Emerld, you, you don't even exist!" he said. "What? Ok, I'm not insane, you are! I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE!" Emerld was becoming very irritated. "I know, but your really not, your only there because Teepo imagines you being there, you only exist as a figment of Teepo's imagination." He said. "That's fucking stupid! Teepo could never imagine someone as great as me! And how do you see me?" Emerld Questioned him again. "I see you because Teepo somehow deeply believes you exist, so much that you actually have a physical form." He explained. "Then Emerld's not crazy, I'm just REALLY fucking nuts." Said Teepo. "No no, Emerld is just as insane as you, you see, you yourself Teepo, are nothing more then a figment of Emerld's imagination." he explained to Teepo. "What, then that means we both don't exist!" said Teepo very worried. "That's correct." Said the psychiatrist. "BUT I'M M…" were Emerld's last attempted words, before he could finish he vanished into thin air, never to be seen again. "I guess that means…" were Teepo's last words right before the very same thing that happened to Emerld happened to Teepo.

And now there is one, ME! Faust! I am and forever will exists! I may even exist, deep inside of you!!!


End file.
